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It certainly had been a health threat. But it also allowed the modern auto engine to evolve. Midgely took only three days to make his second great contribution.

Early refrigeration units used nasty chemicals like sulfur dioxide and ammonia. We needed something better. Midgely went back to the periodic table and invented dichloroflouromethane -- the first of the Freons. The Freons aren't toxic at all. So they served us long and well. Then we found they were eating up our protective ozone layer. Now the survival of Earth depends on giving up Freons.

We're replacing them with new chlorine-free chemicals. So, Midgley changed American life twice. Both times his inventive heritage was life-threatening. And his final invention was really death-dealing, as it turns out. He contracted polio when he was As he lost the use of his legs, he invented a harness to get himself out of bed. On Nov. It strangled him. Midgely studied history, loved music, wrote poetry. His inventions shaped and changed us.

Then we had to leave them behind. So we weigh his life. Kettering boasted that Midgley was his own greatest discovery. He might well have been. Change is the only changeless thing in our lives. Midgley rode change. Now we forget leaded gas and Freon. But let's remember Midgely. Let's remember the processes that've made us.

I'm John Lienhard, at the University of Houston, where we're interested in the way inventive minds work. He meets a really good looking girl there, and they hit it off. They spend the entire time just parked on the couch talking to one another. The party starts winding down, and the woman says, "Ollie, I'd really like to invite you back to my apartment, but, well, I'm on my menstrual cycle, and you know how that is. Root beer and two scoops of baby. On reaching manhood, the farmer's son is given a duck. The son goes into town and first off goes in the brothel.

He explains it's his birthday to the madam and that all he has in the world is the duck. Well but who might've imagined the vigor of this boy! He and the girl go at it for hours, and when he's done the greatly-pleased prostitute is so impressed she begs him to do her again. And who is the farmer's son to refuse? Now satisfied with himself, the farmer's son heads home, duck in hand.

On the way, however, a coach speeds by recklessly, knocking the bird out of his hand and crushing it under its wheels. The driver stops and apologizes profusely for the accident. The old farmer finds his son arrived with a great big smile on his face but no bird. That's when you mount your wife from behind, lean over and whisper in her ear, "This is the way your sister likes it. What was the pirate for halloween?

Arrrr-kansas An old man shuffles into the produce department of the supermarket, looks around for a while looking confused, then goes over to the produce clerk and asks: "Where are the bananas? Several minutes later, the old man comes back up to the clerk, and asks "Excuse me son, where are the bananas?

No delivery. No bananas. Judge: Why do you want to divorse Minnie, is it because she's ugly? Micky Mouse in high pitched voice : No, it's cause she fucking Goofy. What do you call 2 Irish gay men? I'm Irish so I can make Irish jokes! Some one knocks on his widows and says:. We have a collection for President Bush who was kidnapped and the kidnappers want 10 Million dollars or they will burn him to death. One, but a hundred to share the expierence. Watch your nuts this is no ordinary blowjob!

There once were two skunks; one named 'In" and one named 'Out. Towards the end of January of , an old man slowly shuffles up to one of the marines guarding the White House. The marine politely responds, "I'm sorry sir, but President Clinton no longer resides here because he is no longer president. The next day, and the next and the next the old man returns and asks the marine the same question, with the same results. Why do you keep asking me this?

A guy gets hit by a car and goes to hell. When he gets there, the devil is standing in front of 3 doors. The devil says, "It's your lucky day. I'm gonna give you a chance to get out of here. You have to complete 3 tasks. You have to drain it in one drink. You have to pull the tooth out. When you've completely satisfied her, you can leave". The guy figures it's worth a shot, so he goes in the first door and manages to drink the whole jug of liquor.

He goes in the second door, shuts it, and the most horrible commotion can be heard from inside the room. His clothes are torn to shreds, and he is sliced and scratched head to toe. How many indie rock snobs does it take to change a lightbulb? Sorry, that would be impossible Dave. As European musclemen Van Damme and Lungren wouldn't be entitled to help the American security forces.

Currently they're too busy preparing their campaigns to run as State Governors anyway. Robertson said Bush dismissed his warnings that the US would suffer heavy casualties in Iraq. Robertson said Bush told him before the invasion "we're not going to have any casualties. Robertson, who backs Bush's re-election said, "I met with him down in Nashville before the Gulf war started. And he was the most self-assured man I ever met in my life He was just sitting there, like, I'm on top of the world, and I warned him about this war.

I had deep misgivings about this war, deep misgivings. And I was trying to say, 'Mr.

Glossary of baseball

President, you better prepare the American people for casualties. Robertson then said " 'Well,' I said, 'it's the way it's going to be. The Lord told me it was going to be, A, a disaster and, B, messy. Q: What's got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog. One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.

Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large and unattractive woman lying on a cloud. She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success! He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before. She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!

On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure. She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar. Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos.

The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry. Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you? How do you make a dog say "meow"? Put it in a freezer for two days, and then start sawing with a circular saw.. This happens every lunchtime for several days in a row, and eventually the bartender strikes up a conversation and asks if he works nearby. A few days later, the circus comes to town. When the ringmaster comes into the pub to hand out fliers, the barman tells him about the talking duck.

The ringmaster suggests that the duck applies for a job at the circus, stating that they have very good rates of pay. When the duck comes in next time, they barman tells him about the job at the circus and how they will pay him more than the building site. The duck thinks for a minute, looks a little puzzled and says "Yeah, but what the fuck to the circus need a plasterer for?!

Bill Clinton gets on an elevator with one of his Secret Service guys. Clinton is carrying a little puppy and says to the Secret Service agent,. A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pygmy standing beside a very large dead beast He goes into the little purple bathroom and has a little purple shower, he brushes his little purple teeth, puts on his little purple clothes and walks down the little purple stairs to go into the little purple kitchen. He eats a little purple breakfast, then leaves his little purple house and climbs into his little purple car to drive down the little purple road to his little purple job.

At the end of the little purple day, the little purple man and a little purple group of his little purple friends go to the local little purple pub. The little purple man has a few little purple pints with his little purple friends Later, the little purple man climbs into his little purple car and drives a little purple recklessly down the little purple road in the little purple direction of his little purple house. He sees some little purple lights flash behind him and decides it best to pull his little purple car over.

The little purple policeman gives him a little purple breathalyser test that confirms he is indeed a little purple pissed. A kidney dialysis machine. There's a girl standing on top of a cliff weeping hysterically. A passer-by comes up to her to ask what's wrong. The girl, between sobs, manages to tell him that she has just watched a car with her parents in go over the cliff, obviousley killing them both.

The man pats her on the shoulder consolingly and then begins to undo his belt. Alarmed the girl asks "what are you doing? Q: When is it bedtime at Michael Jackson's place? A: When the big hand touches the little hand. Q: What is odd about Micheal Jackson dangling a baby over a balcony? A: He normally tosses them off. Los Angeles police have raided Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch this afternoon. It is being reported that they found Class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his bathroom He told you he was "Off the Wall", that he was a "Thriller", that he was "Bad" and that he was "Dangerous".

Next album will be called "Don't say I didn't warn you. A bartender is tending his bar when the doors open, and a huge, 8 foot high grizzly bear walks in. The bear makes his way over to the bar. The bear glares at the bartender and says, "I'll have a gin After a moment he looks up at the bear. A man is talking to his friend and is telling him about a night out he and his wife had a short while ago Hmmm, what was the name of it? What is that flower, it's red, has thorns? A guy is walking along the beach an sees a girl with no legs n no arms crying, the guy walks up 2 her and asks wats wrong n she says im 25 have no arms n no legs n ive never been kissed, so the guy gives her a kiss and continues 2 walk on and the woman starts 2 cry again.

So the Pope goes to America and he's in New York and has to go upstate somewhere so they set him up with this big long limo and as soon as they get outside the city he asks the chauffeur to pull over and says he wants to drive. So the chauffeur is a little taken aback but, well, it's the Pope so he slides over and the Pope gets in the driver's seat.

Well, the Pope likes to drive and he likes to drive fast so he's tooling along at around 90 mph when he hears a siren. So the cop catches up with him and motions him over to the side of the road. The Pope rolls down his window and says, "Yes, officer? So he goes back to his patrol car and gets on the phone to the chief. On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar.

In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiousity got the better of him. Finally, he went up to the man and asked, "Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you're back again. How do you do it? It's lots of fun.

You should try it. The guy, who was also quite pissed out of his gourd, thought to himself, Hey, why not? So he goes to the bar, drinks a shot of tequila, then walks out to the balcony, jumps off, and whooooooooooooo, splat. The bartender looks over at the first guy and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk. A father and son are sitting on their porch in rural Oklahoma. The son has just returned from his honeymoon. Father: "how was the honeymoon, son? I need a divorce.

Two lions are walking down Oxford Street replace with your own busy city street. One turns to the other and says: "Quiet. Isn't it. Q: What's brown and green, and if it falls on you out of a tree will kill you? A: A pool table. When they ask, simply say, "Yes. Immediately say to them, "Ask me if I'm a cake.

Woman walks into a ice cream shop, and asks for a cone of chocolate ice cream. The man politely tells her that they are out of chocolate. She proceeds to order a cone with one scoop of vanilla and one of chocolate. The man politely tells her that they are out of chocolate again. How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They both like Pujols! A cowboy walks into a wild west saloon, sits down at the bar and asks for a shot of whiskey.

The bartender serves him his whiskey and says, "You hear about the Brown Paper Cowboy? Hung him they did. Two guys are walking their dogs, a german shepherd and a chihuahua, and they pass a bar. The guy with the german shepherd puts on sunglasses and walks right in. Bartender says, "No dogs in here buddy". Guy says "but it's a seeing eye dog". The bartender apologizes and gives him a free beer. The second guy puts on his sunglasses and tries the same trick. Bartender says "yeah right, that's a chihuahua, not a seeing eye dog" Guy says, "what, they gave me a chihuahua?

One day in school, the teacher wanted her kids to go through the alphabet and give a word that started with each letter. She started with 'A'. Little Dirty Johnny was waving his arm higher than all the other kids. She didn't want to call on him, because he was a pervert and always said bad things. And she guessed he would say something like, "asshole" She called on Betty instead. Betty stood up and said "Apple". Next is the letter 'B'. How about 'C'. The teacher picked Billy, still afraid of what Johnny would say. When she got to 'R', Johnny was the only child waving his arm. She thought to herself and couldn't think of anything too bad that started with 'R' so she said, "OK Johnny, give me a word that starts with 'R'.

A couple having trouble conceiving a baby goes to a fertility clinic. At the end of the examination the doctor hands the husband a little plastic bottle and tells him to take it home and come back with a sperm sample. The next day, the husband walks in and hands the doctor the bottle. The doctor looks at it and says, 'There is nothing in it, where's the sample? The husband says, 'Doc, its like this I tried with my right hand I tried with my left hand Q: What's the difference between a dead, squished snake in the middle of the road and a trombonist? Little Red riding Hood is walking through the forest on the way to see her grandmother.

She sees the wolf crouching down beside the track. Seems Dubya's "mysterious bulge" has been explained and it turns out it was just a simple mistake. Carl told him to use a little padding to "impress the women voters" but forgot to tell him where to put it. A tourist is walking through Williamsburg a historic village in Virginia picking up everything in his path and looking at it.

The staff ask him several times not to pick up things, but he continues. The forge is the next shop in his path and the blacksmith figures he can teach this guy a lesson and readies a horseshoe that he has been making. So sure enough, the guy comes over to his shop and starts picking up stuff. The blacksmith sets the now very hot horseshoe in his path, and waits. An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system extremely upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest was yet another and stayed put. Unfortunately for him, this wasn't a false alarm and he soiled his bed linens terribly.

He was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.


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He started yelling, cursing and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all about? A chunk of concrete walks into a bar and orders a pint from the barman. Suddenly, a strip of tarmac walks into the bar and the concrete quickly leaps behind the bar to hide.

The barman asks "What's up with you mate? You're twice the size of him. So this guy decides to have a halloween party, and tells everyone that it's costume only, trick is, the guests have to dress as their favourite emotion. Night of the party arrives and the host is out front guarding the gate. First guest shows up wearing a green thong and green body paint. When asked what his emotion was he replied "I'm green with envy. Next guest shows up dressed all in red and covered in cardboard spikes and when questioned says she's red with anger, so far, so good.

Third guest shows up, naked save for a hollow pear on his manhood. This couple has been married 20 years, and the husband insists on turning out the lights whenever they make love. One night, his wife flips on the lights in the middle of the act and finds him servicing her with a dildo. He says, "I'll explain the dildo. You explain our three kids. There's a apartment building which houses three couples. On the top floor there's a white couple, on the 2nd floor there's a duo of Puerto Ricans, and on the bottom floor there's a black couple.

Early one morning, a fire breaks out on the 2nd floor. Who survives the inferno? The White couple, they were at work. The lion began getting doubts about the degree to which he really struck fear into the hearts of his jungle, so he decided to re-establish his role as the king of the jungle and started going out and scaring every animal he ran into. First he met a tiger: he let out a mighty roar and the tiger took of running, scared to death.

Then he met an elephant: he gave his loud roar and the elephant scrambled off, scared. Then he came upon a gorilla: the great roar and the gorilla swung away as fast as he could, scared.

Finally, he met a tiny mouse in the trail: he roared. The mouse sat still. He roared louder. The mouse didn't move. He gave his mightiest roar -- still the mouse just sat still. The lion was overcome with curiosity: "I roared at the tiger and he ran away; I roared at the elephant and he ran away; I roared at the gorilla and he ran away. I don't understand it -- I roared at you and you did nothing.

Why didn't you run away? A man comes to the police office, and says: "I was beaten! One family: Mother, father, and a young daughter went to buy a present for Aunt Lucy, who was nine months pregnant, and was in a hospital already. After a while, the daughter asks: "Oh, you told me that I would get tummy worms if I will suck my fingers, but what do I need to suck to get a baby? US-mexican border.

A security officer checks off a passenger; standard questions: "Alcohol? Father: "Well, umm One man, named John, "rents" a prostitute, for a fairly large price. However, he sets two conditions: The light will be turned off, and also, she should not speak to him during the act. She agrees, happy that she'll get that much money. However, the guy turns out to be a "sex giant"- i. When the time is almost over, she pleads: "John, can I please go to the bathroom? A : Juan. Q: What do you call a guy with a shovel stuck into his head?

A: Doug Q: What do you call a guy without a shovel stuck into his head? A: Douglas Posted by: Mrs. Kennedy on October 21, AM. Q How many polish soldiers does it take to screw in an Iraqi lightbulb? A Hey! Where are you guys going?? Posted by: discopitbull on October 21, AM. Posted by: brian on October 21, AM. This might be old, but it's better than "orange you glad I didn't say banana. Who's there? The interrupting cow. The interr-- Moo. Posted by: wolfangel on October 21, AM. Where does GW keep his army? Up his sleevie. Posted by: kb on October 21, AM.

I just heard this yesterday.

Q: If you're an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? A: European!

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The power of violent Lyrics as Entertainment in Belize

Posted by: sandor on October 21, PM. What's orange and sounds like a Parrot? A Carrot! Posted by: mike d. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? What's grey? A melted penguin. Posted by: dan on October 21, PM. Posted by: ikes on October 21, PM. What's Brown And Sticky? Posted by: muddylemon on October 21, PM. Where do you find a dog with no legs?

And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.

Right where you left him. Posted by: sabreean on October 21, PM. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway. Posted by: Chuck on October 21, PM. What do you call a man with a very small penis? Posted by: Henna on October 21, PM.

What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other? This is my very favorite joke I just can't help but laugh. Posted by: Angie on October 21, PM. Q: Why can't engineers tell jokes timing? Posted by: ignatz on October 21, PM. Did you hear about the waiter who got his finger stuck in the dishwasher? The boss fired both of them. Buddha walks into a pizza joint and says, "Make me one with everything. Why do ducks have flat feet?

To put out burning camp fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To put out burning ducks. Posted by: ok on October 21, PM. He arrives at home to find his wife standing at the door, waiting for him. What do you call a dog with iron balls? Posted by: Sarah on October 21, PM. Yeah, but whaddya call a Chinese woman with one leg longer than the other?

Posted by: Girlygirl on October 21, PM. Q: What did the perverted frog say? A: Rubbit. Posted by: Natasha on October 21, PM. I actually did vote for the 87 billion, before I voted against it. Posted by: Duane on October 21, PM. This is so bad I love it: A guy walked into a bar and said, "Ow! So these two dyslexics walk into a bra Posted by: Lala on October 21, PM. A guy walked into a bar and said, "Ow! It helps that it's short and I can remember it Posted by: Diane on October 21, PM.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. The first man then asks: "Where are you from? Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from? Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to? The Buddha joke up there reminded me of another one Why can't the Buddha vacuum in the corner?

Because he has no attatchments. Posted by: Dan on October 21, PM. Well, well, well Posted by: apostropher on October 21, PM. How did Darth Vader knowe what Luke was getting for Christmas? Popeye got pissed. Honey, why the long face? Posted by: edgeling on October 21, PM. Posted by: Anonymous on October 21, PM. Joke 1 How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to screw the lightbulb in and two to sing a folk song about it. Joke 2 What's white and smells like bananas?

Monkey spit. Thank you, thank you. Remember to tip your wait staff. I'll be here all week. Posted by: Davey on October 21, PM. Why won't tigger play with Piglet? Because he's always playing with Pooh. How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Oh man, that's great. I've got to tell my friend about that one Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

It got stuck in a trap, bit off three legs and was still stuck. By the Way, I loved that bass drum and cymbal joke. Q: What do you call a Polish astronomer? Q: What did the female deer say as she came out of the forest? A: "I'll never do that for two bucks again.

The One Where Heckles Dies

Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It's rated "Arrrrrrr! My two favorite i. They were marooned. Posted by: Mikester on October 21, PM. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face? What's Victoria's Secret? She dresses like a slut! Posted by: Miel on October 21, PM. Q: how much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? A: An arm and a leg A pirate wearing two gorgeous hoop earnings walks into a tavern. This is so untimely, but it was never nice, so I'm going to say in anyway: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. I feel the hate mail coming on. Posted by: Kaycee on October 21, PM. Two alpha particles and a gamma ray walk into a bar Posted by: Andrew on October 22, AM. Posted by: Pete on October 22, AM. This is the best one I've heard recently: Did you hear about the giant who threw up? It's all over town! Posted by: Deron on October 22, AM. Two muffins are in the oven, cooking. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, it's getting really hot in here. A talking muffin!

A couple of days later he received a mail from his son. The next day the old man receives another mail from his son: Dear Papa, I am sure by now the earth is perfect for planting your potatoes. Doctor: I believe you have what is known as the Tom Jones Syndrome. Patient: The Tom Jones Syndrom? My God, is that rare? Tori Spelling walks into a bar and the barmaid says "why the long face? This guy goes into a chemist drug-store for some Viagra. Posted by: gubu on October 22, AM. A An American. Posted by: discopitbull on October 22, AM.

My other favorite joke: Two goldfish are in a tank. What did the snail say when he was riding on the turtle's back? Posted by: Merrin on October 22, AM. The talking muffin in a slightly more sofisticated version: Three racing horses was, let's say, hanging in the bar, trying to impress each other. Suddenly a voice from below was humming and a Greyhound Wippet was going "Hrrrm, hrrrmm I just would like to say that I have raced times and won all of them!

What do you call an Irishman who looks forward to the Spring? Paddy O' Furniture. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye deer. Q: What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes? A: Still no eye deer. Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: A fsh. Two cows are standing in a pasture. The first cow says, "Have you heard about this new mad cow disease? He runs into an old buddy of his on the street, and they start to chat: "Hey, I hear you're a pirate now! I see you've got a hook for an arm. What happened? I'm so sorry! I see you have an eyepatch, too.

But why do you need an eyepatch for that? I weep with mirth. Similar to the "monkey spit" one- What's invinsible and smells like worms? Bird farts. Posted by: Cheryl on October 22, AM. Did the pig strain himself while swimming? How did he lose his leg? The man looked up with a smile on his face and said, "I work for the IRS. Why didn't they play cards on Noah's Ark? Because Noah was sitting on the deck. A termite walks into a bar and says: Is the bar tender here? How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Posted by: Jimmer on October 22, AM.

The salesman asks, "Why in the world would you want that? Posted by: Matt on October 22, AM. That's not funny at all. Posted by: Arc on October 22, AM. I heard it was a Thai!! Posted by: laura on October 22, AM. Jesus stands, looks over the mob, and says, "Mom, sometimes you really piss me off! A baby harp seal walks into a club. An ethics question: If you were able to clone yourself, and you took your clone to the top of a building, striped all his clothes off and pushed him off over the edge Would it be? Q, whats got eight legs and one eye? A, two chairs and half a dogs head Posted by: walkerbelm on October 22, AM.

What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? Cuatro, cinco! Posted by: david winters on October 22, AM. Posted by: rb on October 22, AM. Haha, loving the physics jokes. Incidentally, I never remember jokes. Posted by: [m] on October 22, AM. God has created Adam and a beautiful Eden for him to live in. The bartender exclaims, "What the hell is up with that monkey!?

No, no, it's: Why did the dead baby cross the road? Sorry for the double post. Is it ok to post a pervy joke? Here it goes anyway Why is anal sex better than oral sex? Oral sex makes your day, but anal sex makes your whole week. Posted by: starrygirl27 on October 22, AM. Posted by: jesse on October 22, AM. Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman. You're drinking from the bottle! Posted by: christian on October 22, AM. What is better than winning 1st place at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded! Posted by: mark on October 22, AM.

A Mexican, a Russian and a Texan were sitting in a boat talking. The Russian pulls out a bottle of vodka, takes one sip and throws the rest overboard. The Mexican exclaims, "What'd you do that for? That was a perfectly good bottle of vodka! I'm not worried. The Russian inquires, "What'd you do that for? That was a perfectly good joint. Posted by: Frank on October 22, AM. What did the zero say to eight?

Nice belt. Posted by: tm on October 22, AM. Emily starts to cry, "Mommy! What are you doing to daddy?! Now she wants a BMW. What do you call a cow that has just given birth? Why are wedding dresses white? So the dishwasher matches the oven and fridge! Posted by: Anonymous on October 22, AM.

Surrealist 2: Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Posted by: R on October 22, AM. What do you call a Chinese Firefighter. A Firefighter you racist! Posted by: Chris on October 22, AM. A: Ok, so how do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery store bag? B: Uh, I dunno - how? A: You take the "S" out of Safe, and the "F" out of way B: Uh - there's no "F" in way!

He was the super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Posted by: Sue on October 22, AM. How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? Well I guess you weren't fuckin' there, were ya?! Posted by: mobius on October 22, PM. A man and his son were walking down the street when they happened upon two dogs having sex. What's the difference between jesus and a painting of jesus? He shouted out "My dick is still yellow! Oh please, please! You CAN'T leave me like this! He cried out "My dick is still pink! Elephant; you just have to follow the yellow-dicked toad!

Q: what do you get when you stab a baby? A: a boner Posted by: mike boogie on October 22, PM. How do you get a bass player off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza. A singer. The knocking speeds up and they don't know when to come in. Posted by: Lala on October 22, PM. Why does the Pope wear underwear in the shower? He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed. Posted by: tomas on October 22, PM.